SO, who’s Attention and why do I have to pay her? And for what? For tension? Tension should be paying me rent right now because she’s an occupant in my head. Just unadulterated tension. Tension caused by the slow heat churning up for the unbearable Texas summer. Having to cancel family trips for celebrations. Tension surrounding this whole COVID-19 wave of bereavement, fear, and lack of national leadership. How about being tense about the new adage : “if you fly, you may die”.

No more air travel for the foreseeable future. I can’t remember the last time I was without an upcoming plane reservation. I am now. Grounded. Far away from the ocean in the summertime. Tension about how I might get there? When?

I may lose adult restraint and just start driving to my northwest star. And sit on my beach at the best hour of the day, around 6 pm when the shadows start to lengthen and the pitch of the sun turns the sea into a brilliant cerulean blue. And the lilting cooler breezes begin to tickle all around you. And the sound of the waves begin to soften and the gulls get quiet and you take note of far off voices of families washing the sun, surf, and sand off of their bodies in the outdoor showers, after which you swear you’ve never felt fresher in your life.

And if the prevailing breeze is right, your olfactory senses will be amused to the point of delight with the scent of charcoal catching fire, meat sizzling on the grille and garlic being sautéed oh so gently.

At this hour, on my beach, I am blanketed by all of these. And there’s gratitude for the day, peace on the walk back to the house under majestic oak and elm trees, and anticipation for my own outdoor shower, and fresh fish on the grill with corn and tomatoes. 

These instances and their unfolding are when I feel reality in its purest form more than any other time of the year. No tension. No problems on-island. No fearful or enigmatic futuring.

Just the moment, strung on to the next moment, looking forward to another perfect day on a perfect island 30 miles out to sea that offers gifts of relaxation and serenity. Heed well, these feelings. They’re free. No payment necessary.